Self Forgiveness
You know when you’re doing that negative doom scrolling on social media platforms and you catch yourself in that moment.
Yeah. That!
I find myself catching that moment more often now a days and in the process of becoming more aware of that, there is a great frustration, knowing that all you are doing is feeding that inner critic, feeding the negative narrative that you’re looking to support in your own mind.
I recognised the term ‘doom scrolling’ earlier this year when the world went in to lockdown. Here in the UK, as they were all over the world, people were running scared. And what we all tend to do when we’re running scared is look to see who else is scared, and seek validation for that feeling. Que social media doom scrolling…
“Oh, so and so is also having a hard time, news channels are all reporting daily death figures, and new case data, Brexit is kicking off, the world is closing down, people are losing their jobs and livelihoods, kids cant go to school”
Doom Scrolling
If you want to get all deep with me for a moment, I feel like this need to doom scroll is deep rooted in the human psyche- It makes me think of hundreds of years ago when people used to go to watch public hangings… Like, that was a thing?! And it makes me think of ‘Schadenfreude’ which is a German term which translates as ‘taking pleasure in other peoples misfortune.’
And it makes me think of that ugly smug feeling you’ve felt when someone you’re not overly fond of, didn't get something they wanted… We’ve all felt it.
It’s human nature to want to feel validated. To know others are feeling the same, to want to seek that connection with someone else feeling the same things as you. And you know, if not much else from all of this, this past year, we can agree that we are all in this together. Whether we like it or not. We are all connected in this, in some capacity.
What’s not so cool is that for me, and for others, this doom scrolling can sometimes lead to a downward spiral of self deprecation.
And it’s then. In that very moment that I take a step back and realise that I’m doing it again. And I’m working so very hard on forgiving myself for that. It’s human nature, it’s deep rooted, it’s fear, it’s connection. It’s all of those things and it’s a longing to be understood, to be heard, to be loved. But I must first forgive myself. I take a big breath, and sometimes, like in my yoga practices, I place my left hand over my heart, my right hand on top of the left, and I take a moment, put the phone down and do something positive instead.
Forgive yourself for those moments. We are all learning, and we are all working towards recognising those patterns and repetitions. Lean in to the moment and change will come. Of that, I am sure.